Why isn't my Best ever good enough?

Have you ever felt like what your doing just isn't good enough for people? Like no matter what you do, it just doesn't meet their qualifications or demands or how they want things done? -To the point where you just want to cry and give up and just say forget it!?

I feel like that, sometimes with my relationship with my God! Like no matter how hard I try or the intentions I have, they just aren't good enough- because really compared to Him, they aren't. I'm garbage compared to his greatness!

 I am just asked to do so much- teach class on Wednesday, do nursery on Sunday morning, help with the potluck, take food to the homeless shelter, be a mentor for the young girls, show people love even when I can't stand them, be patient with the kids even when they act up and they know they shouldn't be, tell unwilling people about His love and the list goes on and on! You know exactly what I am talking about? And I feel like just quitting!! But that's the point, God wants our all, not just a little bit.

 I feel like I am the most selfish person in the world. How could I feel like that after what Jesus did on the cross? I should be more than willing to give up everything I have and everything I once did to do exactly what He wants me to be and do. At times I am more than willing to do everything God wants me to do but at times I just don't want to. When will I ever get to the point where I learn that my best is good enough. That is what He wants is our best. I need to give up the way I think and let Him lead and then I know I am good enough!

In the Gospel of John, Jesus talks to his disciples about a Shepard and his flock. The Shepard doesn't have to force them to go. The Shepard leads and the flock follows, no questions asked! He said that He is the Good Shepard. He says He knows His sheep and they know Him. He knows them by name and they listen to Him! He also talks about that there is "hired hand" they pretend to be the Shepard but they are hired, they don't really care about the flock, they get paid to do what they do.

My prayer for this week is that we all can grow to be HIS flock and let him lead and quick trying to be the Shepard. I need to learn to follow the Good Shepard and not the hired help! Find peace in the fact that Jesus is the Good Shepard and He will led us where he want, we just have to be willing to follow!

When we walk like Children, we develop a true love!

Grayce( my youngest niece) and I were sitting on the couch watching Franky play the Wii, which was really interesting because he loves playing the Legos Game and she said something that was just really cool. I have to give you a little bit of background info, everyday she drives me CRAZY because she constantly asks me when we are going to church, who will be her bible school teacher and what is she going to wear and if I am going to be her teacher this time? Literally EVERYDAY, she bugs and bugs and bugs! It drives me up a wall sometimes to where I am to the point where I say NO we aren't going to church(because its like Monday or Tuesday) and I don't feel like explaining to a 3 year old the process of the days of the week! Anyways, we were sitting on the couch and because Franky was sick that morning we didn't go to church but she started bugging again. And I said no we couldn't go because Franky was sick and she said " but then we can go!" I started laughing! 

But have you ever had a DUH moment? I have been getting those a lot lately. I have been told so many times by my elders, deacons, my preacher and some of my disciplers(people that encourage me and study with me)  that my walk with God needs to be genuine, love-filled, and authentic. I should be excited to come into the presence of God! Sometimes, I looked at going to worship was a chore because of the kids I take and teaching class that it was starting to become blah, ya know! It took Grayce to make me realize that I need to be just as excited and ready to go to worship as she is. Even though I may get boggled down with life's struggles and worries, I need to enter the presence of a God because Grayce showed me that a true love is to be excited about it all the time, no matter what.
I need to have that excitement and love for God because I mean, He is GOD! He is amazing. So next time I start to think about "Man, I HAVE to go to church!" I need to change my attitude and say "Man, I have the privilege to go the church and worship God without being killed for it!"


Matthew 18:3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven."

My prayer for you, that read, is that God gives you the excitement like Grayce to go to church and be in the presence of God wherever you are, no matter what is happening! Have a blessed week!

A Brand New Graduate!!

December 2010, I officially graduated from Ohio Valley University. I have officially received my bachelors degree. So after 4 1/2 years of schooling, 60,000 dollars in loans, 4 years of doing school work without books, friendships that I have gained and lost, my Christianity was strengthened, I should feel on top of the world right now, right?

Then how come I don't? How come I am not in the world celebrating my triumph? How come I am not encouraging others to take the route I did? I should be proud of myself on what I accomplished? Well, how come I am not? What's my problem, why am I so depressed?

I feel like like I am a huge loser! It sounds crazy right? I know, I'm weird, but really though, I feel like a huge loser! I am 23(almost 24) years old, I live with my sister and her family of six, I can't find a job, and I'm single! I feel like no one ever understands where I am coming from. I am just ready or my life to start. I'm ready to be on my own, with a career and to have that special someone to share my life with. I feel like that I am stuck in a rut and I can't get out. I know, it sounds crazy right? So after 2 hours of crying, 2 glasses of wine, and a good talk with my sister...I feel a little better

But later as I was thinking about when my life was going to begin, I thought, thats what God's thinking. He is probably up there thinking "ya Casey, when are you gonna let me do great things with you?" I find myself trying to control my life. I always ask myself when are these things going to "start" for me but the real question is when am I going to start to live a life where God would be glad to bless me with a good job, when am I going to bless someone elses life so that God would be proud to call me his daughter or the hardest to accept is when am I going to start strengthening my relationship with God so He can bless me with an amazing Christian man?

So I ask myself, what are you waiting on Casey, because I can't just sit and let my life pass me by?  So I ask you the same thing, what are you waiting on? Are you hoping that success, love and peace just comes to you...I don't think it works like that...bummer I know! My prayer for you is that God brings you the hope that it will be okay becasue it will :)